You ever have one of those weekends where you needed a weekend to recuperate?

That’s May for me. So far.

It’s not like I didn’t see this coming, what with Pip’s family visiting from New Zealand, the book trailer, Steampunk World’s Fair, Balticon, Blogworld, and a new book about to launch…oh yeah, and there was this weekend which included family portraits, renewal of vows, and an epic cookout….

Aaaaaaand the Amtrak train in front of us appears to be broken down. Happy Monday.

All bitching aside, yesterday was righteous. Pip looked beautiful, Sonic Boom (even wound up as she was) was well-behaved (for the most part), people were having fun, the food was full of awesome (so those chowing down told me), and I upheld my reputation as a purveyor of fine beer.

Yes, Mother’s Day 2012 was a day of WIN.

Now, looming ahead (just past the broken down Amtrak) is Steampunk World’s Fair. This week I’m supposed to be working on the audio for the trailer, so I’ll be getting my steampunk on this week. Too bad The Janus Affair won’t be ready, so I guess that means Balticon is going to be another party of epic scale.

Train’s moving again. Crisis averted? We’ll see…

I should be focusing on the job. I should be a blank slate on the way to Alexandria. I should feel a sense of accomplishment from the weekend.

I think I’m obsessing over this book trailer.

It makes sense, you know? Even with the previous night Linc and I took off from editing, I was putting together some audio for it. I couldn’t find the right effect so I put it together in Soundtrack Pro. The end result was exactly what I wanted, and it was built around a basic, elementary sound.

Guess that is what makes a film, or a book, or any artistic endeavor — the details. It’s the super glue of creativity.

My in-laws are in from New Zealand. Sonic Boom is over the moon. I think Pip is far more thrilled than she’s letting on. I missed spending Sunday with them, but I had audio for ACX to record, a Tales from the Archives (this one from J.R. Blackwell) to mix, and a sound effect for the trailer. It was a productive day, but I got to make sure I make time for the family. That’s a detail that really matters.

I think I also need to make time to see The Avengers again. It was a blast. Jose Whedon already had good reason to be proud with Serenity, but he really met unrealistic expectations.

Good on ya, Joss.

Since 3 a.m. last night, I have been singing the praises of The Avengers, the über-anticipated epic directed by one of the deities of fanbois everywhere Joss Wheedon. Now while this may make me sound like I’m looking down my nose at fanbois and geeks, I disagree — I’m just practicing full transparency, just as I practice in my life a blatant display of geekiness. It’s part of my job. It’s part of my life. I have no shame being a geek. It’s who I am.

This morning (as in the midnight showing) Pip and I saw what I would argue is Joss Whedon’s second-best film (still not as shiny as his best) but his greatest triumph as a screenwriter and filmmaker. Whedon took four of Marvel’s heaviest hitters, threw in three more for good measure, shook well, and created a script and a movie that was balanced, entertaining, and good fun. And when I say fun, I mean “original Iron Man” fun. Already on IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes, the reviews are coming in and the movie will, as summer blockbusters do, raise the bar for other movies of its ilk…

I will go on to say, though, if Battleship breaks The Avengers records, I am seriously going to wrap up this blog and hide. For a decade.

There was, though, one venue that did not care for The Avengers: The New York Times. Perhaps the one voice against the film would have gone unnoticed had Samuel L. Jackson not channeled co-star Mark Ruffalo’s Hulk and gone on a Twitter rant.

The backlash, some of which I admit to piling on to, comes across as fanboi rage. It would be just one more incident of fanboi rage that makes geeks look like idiots playing World of Warcraft in the basement of their home, but what makes this fanboi rage different is Samuel L.M.F. Jackson (and you know what the MF stands for…) leading the charge. But why? It’s just a sole negative review, right, amongst a tsunami of positive ones, right?

I can’t speak for Nick Fury but I can speak for myself, and when I did on my Facebook page, comments continued to prod at my (apparent) opinion of the New York Times review, the summer blockbuster, and how this movie really won’t in the long run further anything in the genre other than Joss Whedon.

Instead of ranting on Facebook, I decided to bring my rant here. Why? Because I feel the need to explain myself…again.

My own stand against the New York Times review is not because (gasp!) they didn’t like The Avengers, because there will be Marvel fans who will refuse to go mainstream and simply protest for protest’s sake. I take more umbrage in the Times’ apparent disdain for the genre on the whole. Admittedly, the review could have been a lot worse, but it does come across a bit condescending. For example…

“The light, amusing bits cannot overcome the grinding, hectic emptiness, the bloated cynicism that is less a shortcoming of this particular film than a feature of the genre.”

This was the point of the review that made me blink, but not as bad as…

“The price of entertainment is obedience.”

Hold on — was the New York Times review telling me I was being manipulated to enjoy this film? “Obey — as this is a summer blockbuster…” or some such?

At this point, I was reminded of another review from the Times…

“The true perversion, though, is the sense you get that all of this illicitness has been tossed in as a little something for the ladies, out of a justifiable fear, perhaps, that no woman alive would watch otherwise. While I do not doubt that there are women in the world who read books like Mr. Martin’s, I can honestly say that I have never met a single woman who has stood up in indignation at her book club and refused to read the latest from Lorrie Moore unless everyone agreed to The Hobbit first. Game of Thrones is boy fiction patronizingly turned out to reach the population’s other half.”

I have grown tired — very tired — of how Science Fiction and Fantasy is regarded as the red-headed stepchild of storytelling genres, and regardless of accomplishments like Game of Thrones or The Avengers, the NYT has fed into that with ongoing commentary, which I found to be a shallow look at what is a complex, well-written series. The snide remarks about The Avengers, a movie that was a real gamble no matter how you look at it…

And yes, before I get the pile-on about the formulaic summer blockbuster with all the pretty people in the leads, The Avengers was a gamble because Marvel started up the hype four years ago. This movie could have been a steaming turd ala Green Lantern because —Whedonites, prepare your own retaliations now — Joss Whedon isn’t perfect. Dollhouse, for me, was proof of that.

Whedon was given a challenge and he surpassed it. Four years of hype, of buildup, of expectation, all fell into place with this film; but leave it to the New York Times — just as they did with Game of Thrones — to pretend that the argument is invalid, and it’s just more of that Science Fiction and Fantasy crap, designed to appeal to the gamer crowds exclusively.

Perhaps I’m snapping in light of things like people who claim “Oh I don’t read that science fiction stuff, that’s just not my thing…” while they say only a moment later “Oh yeah, I’m reading The Hunger Games on my Kindle right now…” A great comeback to “That sci-fi stuff is too weird for me…” is “Really? What was the last title you tried reading?” To date, only one person has ever come back to me with an answer to that — it was Lani Tupu and the book was Stranger in a Strange Land.

Good on ya, Lani.

My ire is not against the Times’ review. It’s the Times’ attitude about Science Fiction and Fantasy being beneath them. There’s a lot more to this genre than death rays, swords, and magic. When done right, it is about people and the extraordinary challenges they face; and if we are really given a terrific story with amazing characters, it is how we can learn from their struggles and face our own. The NYT critics apparently do not see it in that same light, and as they fail to understand it simply think it’s tiresome.

And to my friends on Facebook who drove me here, no, I’m not angry on you disagreeing with me. That’s not my style. I was growing punchy in my own failure to make clear what I was reacting to. Disagree with me all you want, so long as we’re having the same debate. Right?

Maybe it’s sleep depravation and not fanboi rage that is currently driving me. I’ll take a nap. Let you know how I feel tomorrow…

Back into the groove…

I got a blogpost in the making. You know, one not quite as off-the-cuff as this one, but it’s vitriol might even be too much for me. Then again, after reading this post from Stephen King, I’m thinking if an author’s rant is justified and witty as hell, why not?

Yeah. The Goodreads 2011 Choice Awards and giving good rants — two things I share with the King, baby.

Maybe I’ll work on that vitriolic blogpost, or get cracking on my look back on these past two weekends. I’m still thinking about them.

If you missed it, the trailer filming wrapped Sunday. Two weekends, a cast of eight, and an old Victorian house. It was quite the education and still very humbling that Brute Force Studios would open their house, their props, and their talent to us. This weekend was the Go/No Go Weekend as we needed to get the parlour scene down, or there would be no trailer.

The ladies delivered, and my cameraman worked it like a boss.

Now we get together and start editing. And while The Janus Affair trailer takes shape, Pip and I continue work on By Dawn’s Early Light. That’s Book Three for Welly and Eliza. No release date set, but high hopes indeed. Just as high as the ones I have for the trailer. I dropped in another production shot, this time featuring P.J. Schnyder. I see shots like this and I see the trailer’s potential. Of course I want the trailer to rock the world…but I also want it to blow people away because of the hard work and A-game everyone brought to this production. “Thank you” just doesn’t seem to be enough.

My headache this morning is finally subsiding. It started to recede when I started blogging about the trailer. Coincidence?

No. I don’t think so.

It’s the start to a new week, although it doesn’t feel like I ever finished last week. Immediately after Day Two of the new job, I polished up an audio chapter of Truly, Deeply Disturbed and sent that off to the review cue for the publisher. Then it was packing of the big pink travel bag; and Pip, Jett, Karina, and I mounted up and headed to Grimmoire Manor (the home of Brute Force Studios) to film a book trailer. That’s the challenge of being unemployed: You either sit on your rear waiting for things to right themselves, or you step up to projects and then suddenly find yourself juggling commitments.

Doesn’t mean I’m folding like a cheap lawn chair. I’m seeing all these projects through.

I learned something about steampunk over the weekend, something I don’t think I’ve heard a lot of people mention and maybe it should be mentioned more often: It’s a passion. Whether you are a crafter like Thomas, a model like Sarah (both of Brute Force), or writers like Pip and myself, it’s something we do (and in some instances, defend) because we love it. We have a lot of reasons why but that love is what runs our analytical engines. I am constantly blown away by the talent I meet in this genre, but those who excel at it nurture a real passion for steampunk. Sometimes, artists may not even realize they are dancing with steampunk; and that’s when what happens is less about aesthetic and more about art. Yeah, there is a deeper commitment and drive behind steampunk, and it’s inspiring.

Here’s a behind the scenes shot of our Sophia del Morte (Sarah Hunter). I got high hopes for this book trailer…

Day One. And I’ve been looking forward to this post since last week when I said “Yes.”

It’s my Spring Training, as it were; and I’m re-acclimating myself to the sights, sounds, and smells (yes, smells — someone brought McDonalds in my car) of a
morning commute. I’m back in the world of the working, and I’m doing what I love, this time with the Mesothelioma Applied Research Foundation. I was pleased to have slept last night as I was wound up tight. Am I nervous? No, not at all. The Meso Foundation needed someone that had blogging, podcasting, Facebook, Twitter, and the works covered.

It’s all good, guys. I got this.

I picked out this shirt this morning. On purpose. This is my way of ending a chapter with a killer closing line, as well as a “thank you” to everybody as my old stomping grounds of Intersections. I learned a lot while I was there, and a part of me still missed it. But as Grant says on Ghost Hunters: “On to the next.”

Now I got Instagram to help me with my pictures. I’m having way too much fun with this app.

Contrary to popular belief that steampunk is dead, and thinking that maybe you missed the recent announcement on The Shared Desk or the Ministry website, I wanted to bring the news and the official launch date for the next project from Imagine That! Studios…

10 April 2012

I will be kicking off the new season of steampunk fiction with “Sins of the Father” where, due to popular demand, we get a peek into  Wellington Books’ past. Then, every alternate Tuesday following Season 2′s premiere, original stories from the Ministry of Peculiar occurrences will premiere, featuring the writing stylings of …

• P.J. Schnyder
• J.R. Blackwell
•  J.R. Murdock
• Shaun Farrell
• Doc Coleman
• Alyson Grauer
• Thomas Wilford

…and many others. With the ideas and stories submitted, including two winners from SpecFicNZ’s writing contest, Pip and I are really excited about what we got coming in 2012. Return with us  to the Archives for untold podcast stories from the Ministry of Peculiar Occurrences.

Enjoy the ride.

Nothing gets Pip and me more tickled than getting a nod from the steampunk community, particularly as we are so very new to the genre. When we took The Airship Award, we were happy dancing quite cheerfully as this was an award by the community, from the community.

Once again, thanks to The Steampunk Chronicle, we are happy dancing again.

The Ministry of Peculiar Occurrences just announced their nominations in the Steampunk Chronicle’s 2012 Readers Choice Awards. You can finds us nominated for the following categories:

• Best Podcast: Tales from the Archives
  
• Best Short Story: “Dust on the Davenport” by O. M. Grey (Episode #2 of TftA)
  

Please register and sign in (completely free) to show your support.

Keep up with the progress on this and other Ministry news at MinistryofPeculiarOccurrences.com and show your support for us at The Steampunk Chronicle.

And thanks for the love, folks. Not only well-timed, but most welcomed.

I’ve met a lot of incredible people in what will be ten years (come May) as an author. One real stand-out started as a star-struck business proposition between myself and Lani Tupu. People know him best for Captain Crais in Farscape, but Lani is a pretty multi-talented, multi-faceted dude. Artist. Teacher. Just an all-around good guy. There are two conversations with him that have always stayed with me, and this weekend one of those conversations came back with a vengeance.

We (me, Lani, and our agent, Jean Orrico) were having a post-convention meal, following the first run of our workshop, From Page to Stage. I remember the subject turned to acting, and how I had resigned that I would not be returning to the stage.

Now this was before I had met Pip in person and understood just how dangerous it is to anger a kiwi. And Lani, when that resignation left my lips, was angry.

“You never stop being an actor!” he stated (quite passionately), “The stage will always be with you, and it will be waiting for you when you return.”

It was more about the zeal behind his statement that stuck with me, and maybe at the time I thought “Spoken like a true-blue actor.” Lani’s sentiment was well intended, but I just felt like I had taken a different path at that crossroad.

This weekend, that changed.

Now on Audiobook Creation Exchange, Tee Morris is available for work.

Pip and I sat down and we looked up a variety of titles. Jules Verne. Non-fiction about Lincoln. Even a bit of erotica. All falling into my price range for audio. I went on and uploaded my samples, completed my profile, and fired up the mic, this time for ACX.

This shouldn’t feel weird, you know? I’ve been podcasting since 2005, been offering my voice to a variety of projects. While the actual audition — rehearsing the prepared piece, firing up the mic, and recording — is very easy for me, it still feels very weird. Maybe it’s because I thought this avenue of my life was done. Sure, I get my actor’s fix with podcasting, but I no longer needed to worry about the audition process. Here I was this weekend, though, stepping back on to a virtual stage and reading for a role. I had stepped back to those times when I would walk to the edge of a stage and say “Hi, I’m Tee Morris and my audition piece is…” to a room of shadows. The audition itself was far less stressful than when I was acting. At least at first. I didn’t have to worry about my hairstyle, my headshot, or even what I was wearing. Just pull myself up to the SM7B and hit the red button.

But this weekend of aural auditions did make me step back to that life of wondering and waiting. It’s a special kind of neurotic state that you won’t ever see portrayed in Smash.  Let me walk you through it…

You get to the audition, get handed a script, and after a few minutes with it, you give a reading. Something clicks. You feel it, and even you think you gave a great reading. If, however, you’re not seeing others audition, you have nothing or no one with whom to compare your reading. Then you begin to wonder “Could I have placed inflection someplace else?” Or how about “Did I really capture what the director wants in the character?” As you hear nothing in reply to an audition (and no, it’s not like in Smash where an agent calls you at random times of the day…), you start to second-guess what you did on that audition, an audition that you had described earlier as rock solid. Then, when you step up for your next audition, the previous audition rears its ugly head and suddenly you are wondering if you really are as talented as people tell you.

Sounds like fun, huh?

ACX auditions, I’m finding, take this mind-bending experience to a whole new level. It’s no longer based on how you look but entirely on how you sound. There’s no direction, no quick pointers, no idea what people want. It’s all on you, how you interpret the narration, and the characters within the sample. It’s all about you, one blind reading, and the kind of voice you have…

Okay, let’s get right to the point — it’s coming down to the kind of voice I have. The decision of whether or not I am cast in a title comes down to my personal bass, tenor, and dialect.

As crazy as this may sound, I’ve actually missed this.

Whether it is fiction or non-fiction, this is a new kind of creative endeavor between artistic strangers. Yes, the audition is all about my voice, but it is also with how I handle the text. How I handle the text is a reflection on how I work, on my eye and ear for detail, and my abilities to give prose a compelling aural quality. It’s a new kind of collaboration, and I’m feeling an insatiable curiosity to see what is possible in this new opportunity. So, once again, I find myself checking the casting calls, seeing what’s available, and firing up the mic. I find myself, in a weird little way, back at the crossroads I thought were far in the distance behind me.

No, I’m not ditching the job hunt or dropping my writing projects. I’m just keeping an open mind, and anxious to see where this calling will lead.

Lani, you were right. You were right.

This weekend was a productive one, started with Pip building a case (pardon the pun) for dusting off a manuscript that disappeared into the sunset back in 2009. It has been, of all of my works, the most requested of my works for a sequel.

It was a pretty intense conversation between Pip and myself…

PIP: Tee, I really want to get Billi out in a digital format.
ME: Okay.
PIP: *blink-blink* Um…okay….

Yeah, pretty gripping, I know.

So now, after two years of being out of print, Imagine That! Studios as part of EXPERIMENT 2012 brings you…

I did say last year that I believed I would return to this alternative Chicago where a dwarf detective would stand toe-to-toe with Al Capone, and now it is happening. The story is still the same. We just have the book in new formats now. Kindle? Nook? Kobo? Yeah, we got you covered.

Why now? I was asked by Myke Cole in a recent roundtable discussion on John Mireau’s Serving Worlds podcast when you know it’s time to release a title on your own. Could it have anything to do with this rakish gent?

As much of a raging fan as I am of Peter Dinklage and his performance in Game of Thrones (the second season looming closer and closer with each day), the decision to bring back Billi is more in response to my novella, Aladdin and His Wonderfully Infernal Device. I’ve been watching the numbers since it’s recent release, and they have been promising. Very promising. My issue has always time. Between 2009 and 2011, my focus has been on the Ministry of Peculiar Occurrences. Phoenix Rising, releasing the first volume of Tales From the Archives in digital formats, and the follow-up The Janus Affair. While holding a full time job, that was all the time I had to commit.

Then, things changed.

The time just felt right to give this award-winner some attention, so this weekend I did just that. When Pip mentioned what we were working on, the big question I got all weekend was “Does this mean more Billi is coming?” It’s an easy answer: It all depends on how both The Case of the Singing Sword and The Case of the Pitcher’s Pendant perform. The Ministry has to come first, as you can imagine. If the Billibub Baddings Mysteries take off, though, then I have more time to make future installments happen.

And if you see J. Daniel Sawyer anytime soon, you might want to thank him for helping make Billi’s re-release happen as he solved for me a rather heavy commitment I make in this first case.

For all who have asked me about Billi’s return, you also helped make this happen. I hope he’s worth the wait.

Okay…just one more moment with the Emmy-winner. I just know he is my Billi Baddings.

I’ve been called a hipster before, and each time I flinch. I find the whole “hipster” movement to be a pimp slap in the same vein as the Grunge movement felt when Grunge suddenly found itself going mainstream. I remember how odd a fashion statement bred of thrift stores was suddenly finding itself in upscale malls and European catwalks, and I find equally odd the hipster movement.

I believe there is a fine line between a geek and a hipster, but leave it to Geeks Are Sexy to come up with an infographic that shows that line being so fine that — in some instances — it just isn’t there.

From: BecomeCareer.com

Drawing these lines in the sand is nothing new to Geeks Are Sexy as they ran an infographic on Geeks Vs. Nerds. Funny thing — right now, Sonic Boom is digging on calling her dad a “Nerd.” Not sure where it is coming from, but there it is. Between the three, I prefer “Geek” if you feel the need for labels.

Granted, if you’re going to use labels, call me Tee. That’s the best one of all.

Roughly six weeks ago, as you might have heard on a recent episode of The Shared Desk, a friend of ours — Lisa-Anne Moore — introduced me, Pip, and Sonic Boom to the new Activision game Skylanders: Spyro’s Adventures. Sonic Boom was intrigued by the concept of this game, that concept being that at any point you can swap out characters within a game, all dependent on what you need at that moment. The Boom perked up, however, when she heard about a character named “Sonic Boom.”

Imagine her elation when she found the character of Sonic Boom was a girl.

From the Skylanders Portal Masters’ website, here’s Sonic Boom’s story:

Long ago, Sonic Boom took refuge high atop a mountain peak in the far reaches of Skylands, hoping to keep her griffin hatchlings safe.  But despite her precautions, a devious wizard tracked her down and placed a wicked curse on the griffin eggs.  Once hatched, the young hatchlings can live for only mere moments before they magically return to their shells… only to be hatched again in an endless cycle.  Wanting to prevent such evil from happening to others, Sonic Boom joined the Skylanders and has trained her young to defend Skylands each time they are hatched.

In light of how toy makers stereotype girls, this makes me smile big.

How are toymakers stereotyping girls? If you were not one of the 3.7 million people who saw this video, take a moment:

And take a look at this search result for video games targeted for girls.

Seriously?! Cooking Mama 3?!?

Okay, so maybe girls want to play games that deal with virtual cooking, virtual child rearing, and virtual horse camps, but don’t we game to escape reality? And sure, there are games that feature strong characters out there that are women. Lara Croft. Resident Evil. The Femme-Sheppard option in Mass Effect. But as super-blogger Megan Howard points out, comic book and video game heroines tend to be less about getting the job done and more about being hyper-sexualized automatons. Like heavily-armed Victoria Secrets’ models. Before the comic book geeks tell me about Starfire’s propensity for sex — yeah, sure, I get that, but come on…

Come. On.

And as a dad of a little girl, it concerns me that my kid appears limited to her gaming to either “Imagine Babies” or armored anime girls that are lacking armor across two blatantly obvious targets…

Lemme guess — the blades bounce off, right?

That was before we at Case de Morris discovered Skylanders.

In her second week of playing, after spending the week telling us that she was going to be selecting Eruptor (picture the Hulk if he were made of molten rock and could spew lava) as her latest recruit, Sonic Boom surprised us by selecting Whirlwind. At first we wondered what was up as a winged unicorn was a big step away from a volcanic monster.

Then we started playing Whirlwind, and on leveling up the Boom picked up a “Rainbow Strike” power. Here’s where I cued up the cutesy-cutesy music because, yeah, Whirlwind is a girl and part-unicorn so rainbows have to be in here. So she can fly, and her horn shoots rainbows, strikes down enemies, heals her allies…

Wait. Hold on. She does what?

Turns out this half-unicorn-half-dragon is the Cleric of the Skylanders realm. You know, a Cleric — that throw-away “Why the hell are you in this campaign again?” character class that is standing over you right after an ogre ambush, asking “How’s that axe wound to the gut, Tex? Stings a bit, don’t it?” In one night, our own Sonic Boom turned Whirlwind into the most important character in her collection. She also gave Whirlwind a new nickname: Featherstrike. (She came up with that all on her own.)

And the more we play, the more we’re discovering that all the female characters of Skylanders are some serious ladies not to be trifled with.

This weekend, Pip and I celebrated five weeks of fantastic grades and behavior from the Boom by picking up for ourselves some Skylanders. Pip picked up Cynder, and I unboxed Hex.

Now take a look at this black magic woman.

Is she wearing a chain mail bikini? No. Is her upper chest doubling as a flotation device? No. Is she, at any point in this game, making me a sandwich? No.

Is she one of the most powerful of the Skylanders? Three words: Long. Range. Attacks.

It was halfway through my first level with Hex that I figured out I could take out a few baddies from a considerable distance. The more I leveled her up, the more distance her powers covered.

Comparing the ladies of Skylanders to the men made me truly appreciate the game on a whole new level. With air-tight writing and voicework, this game is a blast to play with the Boom; and we will both admit that after she goes to bed, Pip and I play because we enjoy it that much. On a parental level, I love that Activision and Toys for Bob went out of their way to make the details of this game appealing to both boys and girls. While the men breathe fire, fly with hydro-powered jet packs, and belly flop the bad guys, the women bring it with dark lightening strikes, undead magic, and tempest attacks. Finally, we got games that work for everybody, where girl characters aren’t pink, fluffy, big-eyed lintballs floating from adventure to adventure using the power of laughter to vanquish their foes. The girls of Skylanders are tapping kegs of whomp-ass and keeping it classy.

Now, we’re in a new week and quickly approaching a crossroads. We are short two elements — Fire and Life. The earlier mentioned Eruptor is a Fire element, and he’s got a lot of power. Who do we have representing the Life elementals?

And here’s what she can do…

My advice to the Boom? Go green.

Yes, I disabled the comments.

Why?

Because some of the comments on the YouTube channels go out of their way to spoil what is something positive from the White House. Therefore, in light of the mudslinging and Fox News treatment of President Barack Obama, I’m preserving this little moment of bad-assery for what it is — a flawless gem.

And if you’re a fan of blues, it’s all the sweeter.

If you want to slam me or slam this moment, you can do it on your blog or elsewhere. Or, you can enjoy some righteous blues.

Your choice.

With the successful run of the first season of Tales from the Archives, Pip convinced me to take that step into being a self publisher. In this trip, I’ve been taking copious notes from other writers like Mur Lafferty, James Meltzer, and Chuck Wendig.

Today, I’m releasing out into the wild my first novella.

As I mentioned on The Shared Desk, Aladdin and His Wonderfully Infernal Device is an inspiration from a steampunk fairy tale anthology Pip is affiliated with. I went back to a few of the original translations of Aladdin and His Wonderful Lamp (quite a few of those, it turns out…) and then brought in a bit of steampunk for fun. Here’s the summary:

Aladdin is a street-wise thief that finds himself under the tutelage of a world-renown illusionist. He is escorted deep into the deserts in search of a treasure beyond his wildest dreams, and discovers instead something far more valuable—a destiny.

My first step into fiddling with fairy tales, and my first novella. It is now live and can be yours for a mere $1.99, exclusive for the Kindle! Have a read, leave a review, and tell a friend.

It’s hard to believe, but last Friday marked a month since my last day at Intersections.

For the past four weeks, I’ve taken in a lot. Good and bad. Of course, the irony of all this is that when I was hired by Intersections, the Recession was in full swing. And at the beginning of 2012, where a variety of news outlets from around the world were all noticing an economic turnaround at the beginning of 2012, I was downsized.

In this month, from the day I was let go to now, I’ve learned a lot. Granted, each layoff is different. Some involve severance packages. Others do not. Some employers treat you with respect. Others waste no time in getting you out of the door. It’s hard to predict how bad news like this will come, but I can say — after a month of letting the dust settle — there are at least five things to keep in mind when Corporate America pulls the rug out from under you.

5. Don’t panic. It’s easy to do when the news hits; and while quoting Douglas Adams may seem kind of trite coming from a geek, it really is true. Flipping out is not going to help anyone, and it’s going to make you look like a chump. I’ll admit, I felt a twinge of panic when I was told about how long my health coverage would last. I took a deep breath, and thought, “Don’t panic. Go out with class.” When all the formalities were done, I looked the executive in the eye and said, “It’s been a good run. Thank you.”

Keep it together. Keep it classy.

4. DO. NOT. MELTDOWN. THROUGH SOCIAL MEDIA. When I was packing up my office, I saw that my TweetDeck was still running. I felt an urge to tweet “So this is what it’s like to get laid off.” but with my fingers over the keyboard, I paused. I thought about it. Really thought about it.

I immediately took my hands away, and shut down my computer.

What would have sharing my real-time bad news accomplished? Making Intersections look bad? Rally my troops so I can feel better for myself? Light a fuse for a complete online rant? Social Media has a bad reputation for being all about the vitriol because of people melting down as if Twitter or Facebook is a therapist’s couch. Remember that when you go public on social networks, you are going public. Everyone and anyone can see it. How do you want to be remembered at your job and represented online?

A Social Media Meltdown is nothing more than a chump move, and it’s burning bridges that you might want to leave alone.

3. Get organized. By the time I got home (roughly thirty minutes after leaving the parking lot), Pip looked up and said to me “There is a file on your Dropbox with job leads. Good hunting.” I sat down and immediately checked over my LinkedIn page, and even made the investment into a “Premium” account in order to get a few extra bells and whistles.

Within twenty-four hours, I had applied for 16 available Social Media jobs. This week, the number is now 76.

You want to keep your cool, but that doesn’t mean you stay idle. Spend an hour a day searching for jobs, then make one day out of your week the day you go out job hunting. Keep a spreadsheet so you can track what you’ve applied for and when, and keep track of any responses — even from staffing agencies — you get from your applications.

2. Keep it classy when reaching out for references. When downsized, keep this in mind: It’s not personal. This means that you have a window of opportunity —preferably within the first week of the layoff — in getting some good references from where you work.

I reached out to the executives I dealt with directly and sent the following note:

I wanted to thank you for two-and-a-half terrific years with your company, Intersections. I’m looking back on my time with you all, and I’ve got nothing but positive experiences staring back at me. Intersections gave me a chance when no one else would, and Intersections stood by me through one of the darkest times of my life. Couple that with the opportunities and accomplishments I enjoyed while working there, all I can say is “thank you.” My only regret was that Intersections could not find a place for me.

Each version of this letter was different, personalized for each executive I approached.

Within ten minutes I had my first reply. From the C.E.O.

Two days later, I had his letter of recommendation.

A recommendation on LinkedIn. Permission for phone referrals. I got a solid list of references, and these references happened because I didn’t make this personal. This was about numbers. This was about business.

1. Enjoy some downtime for yourself. Yes, I’m suggesting you keep yourself busy, get your references and your resumes in order, and plan for the hunt ahead of you; but make time for you.

When the layoff happened, I had plans with friends that night. Pip suggested I cancel. “No,” I told her. “I don’t want to hide. I want to be around friends.” All weekend, and since then, I’ve been doing just that. Friends. Neighbors.

And, of course, family.

Since the layoff, I’ve been enjoying morning walks with Sonic Boom to school. I then come home and start writing. I’ve been writing. A lot. Two short stories. A novella. (And not all of it was steampunk…but most of it was.) Quality time with The Janus Affair and its final layout.

Whether I planned for it or not, I’ve got time. Loads of it. So I’m taking advantage of it.

Take advantage of time you find yourself having. Bank some quality memories with your family. If you’re a writer, get some ideas down on paper. Or take this opportunity to broaden your skillset. Your job hunt will be there, waiting for you once you get back from what you’ve set aside for yourself. Prepare yourself for your job hunt. Don’t obsess over it.

There will be some days that are going to be easier than others. By doing some footwork immediately afterward, though, you feel like you’re taking the right steps. As I mentioned before, every layoff is different; but if you find yourself in an unexpected, unwanted career change, maybe this blogpost will give you some things to keep your sanity.

Another option in keeping your sanity: Captioned pictures of housepets. Laughter makes everything — even getting laid off — a bit more tolerable.

Something I find absolutely fascinating in my first decade as a published author is the sheer amount of backpedalling I have seen authors make when it comes to self-publishing.

Oh. Wait. Independent publishing. Now, indie publishing includes self-publishing. Yeah. Ain’t that something?

When I took my first steps with Dragon Moon Press back in 2002, I also took hits from a few established authors online and in real time, turning to their colleagues and referring to me as a literary ambulance chaser. (No kidding. I collected some killer stories in my first year as an author.) Now, those same voices snubbing me at conventions and literary events are now swearing up and down to the masses that “Legacy Publishing is dead and the independent author shall vanquish the evil Gatekeepers! Take control of your writing career! Do it yourself!”

Yeah, taking control, doing it yourself, and “sticking it to the Gatekeepers” all sounds seductively intoxicating. Charlie Sheen did just that and referred to himself as an F-18. (That’s Comment #5 in the previous link.) Before you decide to go supersonic in your own path to being a writer, ask yourself one quick question: Have you ever sat in a cockpit of an F-18?

How about a Cessna?

My kid was invited into the cockpit of a Boing 747. Take a look…

Even if you’re flying a cropduster, your flight isn’t going to end well if you don’t know what you are doing. Across a decade of writing, editing, and book layout, I’ve collected a few considerations for any author — new or seasoned — to keep in mind when it comes to managing a career.

5. Accept the fact that no matter how good you think you are, you need an editor. In their recent Huffington Post article “The Real Reasons Indie Authors Aren’t Taken Seriously”, Melissa Forester and Amy Edelman dish out some tough love to indie authors about the long road to respect, and throughout the article continuously refer to what these ambitious artisans all need — editing. I don’t care who you are — you need an editor. The need for an editor does not mean you lack talent or that you’re a suck writer. It does mean you are human, and their changes bring about other details to mind, making writers take a harder, critical look at what a writer’s creativity hath wrought. Editing is not a curse or an unnecessary delay on your work. With the right editor, editing is a hard, critical look at your work with the goal to make a diamond from a creative rough.

4. Giving It Away for Free (or Even for 99¢) Should Have a Plan behind It. Back in 2005, I was one of the strongest advocates supporting free fiction. I saw a spike in my own book sales when Dragon Moon gave me a green light to give away in audio Morevi and The Case of The Singing Sword: A Billibub Baddings Mystery. And I wasn’t alone. Other authors were following the charge alongside Cory Doctorow, myself, and Scott Sigler.

Now, six years later, I’m still a big advocate for giving it away for free…provided there is a plan behind it.

Giving it away for free works for Scott and Cory, sure. I won’t deny that. But outside of those two, has this tactic worked for anyone else? Even as Chuck Wendig points out in his “Making Sense of 99 Cents” blogpost, it’s not the best strategy to price everything the same. For my own independent publishing works, 99¢ is a sweet spot for short stories with one selected as a free download. Short story collections are priced at $2.99 (essentially, four shorts — so four for the cost of three). Free can work as part of a larger plan.

Giving stories away — be they shorts, novellas, or novels — for free? Blindly?

No, this isn’t really a good model to follow, as I discovered…

3. Some People Will Never Want to Pay for Your Work. In a recent episode of The Shared Desk, around 28:38, I made a really dumb remark: “A little bit of book piracy is okay.” I’m still trying to figure out why I made the comment. Perhaps I was thinking “People torrenting an already free story. That’s okay.” Maybe pygmies had my nuts in a vice while I was recording. Whatever the reason, I said this before receiving the Google Alert notifying me that The Case of The Singing Sword: A Billibub Baddings Mystery was being torrented. Not the podcast, mind you. A PDF of the print book.

Let me say that again: A novel I am already giving away for free in an audio format was being pirated.

With so many artists (not just writers, but musicians and artists) giving their work away for free or at 99¢, some online consumers adopt a sense of entitlement. As a professional independent author, you need to accept the fact that you will get complaints from people about your work “not being long enough” for the price, even when that price is 99¢. When it’s free, are you taking a blind eye on torrenting then? The business model you set for yourself needs to include boundaries for your work and how you deal with Internet Entitlement. And in light of complaints from the entitled, is your pricing based on your strategy, or prices that others agree on?

If it’s the latter, you might want to rethink your business model.

2. Financial Success Will Not Happen Overnight. I’ve always believed that the greatest investment a writer can make in their career is time. You invest time in researching your story, time to write it, and time to edit it. (See Item #6.) Be prepared to spend time in finding out if your investment is indeed working. While it sounds like Amanda Hocking, John Locke, and J.A. Conrath became overnight successes, they didn’t.

But with time, these writers became juggernauts.

A friend and colleague of mine was tweeting once about the blues of being a struggling writer and working minimum wage jobs to pay the bills. At the end of the same year, though, he was tweeting about buying a brand new car. Completely paid for. What happened? This author, living hand and mouth for a spell, is now a working, full-time writer, doing quite well for himself with an arsenal of short stories and novellas while his novel is gearing up for a release with a mainstream publisher. The income from his numerous titles is now his sole source of income.

That brings me to a consideration you should take to heart before venturing into the world of indie publishing.

1. Become a Hybrid Author. My darling wife is insisting I use here her “Many streams make a river…” quote when talking about a writer’s income. Yeah, it may sound a bit like a line Miss Marple would whip out just before solving the murder of her hamlet’s moneylender; but (and I’m never going to hear an end to this) she’s right. In between developing your titles as an indie author, go on and develop a title specifically for a mainstream publisher. Why? Breaking into the mainstream can open doors that still remain closed to smaller independent publishers. You may hear an argument against this like “Who needs the legacy publishers?” (And if you think “legacy publisher” sounds presumptuous…yes, it is.) but there are advantages.

One huge advantage is the advance. Just a signing bonus is a step forward as that becomes your first promotional budget, covering travel, advertising, and any writing resources you might need. Another plus in pursuing and landing a mainstream publisher is working with marketing divisions. I have been published in both mainstream (Wiley, Que, HarperCollins) and independent (Dragon Moon, and my own Imagine That! Studios) channels, and I can say that much of the footwork I had to do as an indie author — getting reviews, submitting for seminars and speaking engagements, dealing with piracy, advertising, requesting interviews — was taken care of by the mainstream publisher.

Why limit yourself? Broaden your horizons and consider a career covering both mainstream and independent publishing.

Keep one more thing in mind: What I’ve got here is not some magic formula of success.  This is a decade of writing experience, of watching authors perform 180’s on opinions concerning independent publishing, and of lessons I’ve learned from both sides of this argument. I’ve never believed in a sure-fire formula to success. If you think I got it, trust me — I don’t have it.

I do have some plans in play, some experiences under my belt, and some conclusions drawn. Forge forward, and find out what works best for you.

And really, there is a bigger picture happening here. As NPR said in their own look at the Digital Vs. Traditional Book Publishing argument:

“We should worry less about how people get their books and — say it with me now! — just be glad that people are reading.”

Personally, I don’t care how my stories reach people. I just want them to reach readers, and have readers react. That is really what matters in the end.

You might have noticed a few enigmatic tweets from me on Friday. I got a few responses of concern but I was okay. Still am.

No, really, I’m good. January 6, 2012 was a date for the books so I’ll just go ahead and kick off this blogpost with what happened.

Somewhere around 10:15 a.m. last Friday, I was told my services at Intersections, Inc. was no longer needed.

If you’re expecting a complete and utter meltdown against my former day job, you’re not going to get it. Never will. I will only say this:

• I wasn’t the only one let go.
• It wasn’t anything I did.
• You learn a lot about people when things like this happen.

Intersections was a terrific place to work. There are some incredible people there; and many of them reached out to me over the weekend, just to ask, “How are you doing?” It was a sincere question, and I answered it honestly: I’m good. What happened on Friday had nothing to do with me or my performance, and I was able to leave Intersections with my head held high. I was able to look the EVP in the eye, shake his hand, and say “It’s been a good two-and-a-half years. Thank you.” I loved my job. I loved what I did. As friends told me, “I was saving the world, one tweet at a time, one blogpost at a time.” The friendships and associations I made at Intersections, I discovered in that moment, were more than just professional. They ran a little deeper.

Granted, one relationship did show its true colors, and I got to admit—it didn’t just hurt. I was outraged.

But how do I feel now, on my first day of unemployment?

When I came home, Pip already had already found seven job openings in Social Media. I have a possibility from Que Publishing that I can pursue. Then there are the fiction possibilities — a steampunk novella, a reboot of Morevi, setting up the groundwork for Volume 2 of Tales from the Archives, and the third installment of The Ministry of Peculiar Occurrences. Before the end of the weekend, I had applied for fifteen positions in Social Media. A far cry from 2009 when I was lucky to get fifteen applications out in a week. And just now, I got an email from the CEO confirming that a letter of reference was en route.

How do I feel? Wildly optimistic.

I knew, heading into the new year, that something was something. Something big. I’m going to take a wild guess and say, “This…isn’t it.”

This is the first step in a new journey.

Sure, I’m scared; but that fear isn’t paralyzing me. It’s inspiring me. It’s driving me. In the wake of this, I’m moving forward, undaunted. I’ve got a great kid, and fantastic wife, and amazing friends from Intersections and elsewhere, all rallying around me. I’m truly blessed.

Thank you, Intersections. Thank you for one amazing run.

Onward.

Recently, J.C. Hutchins asked across various social networks for people to sum up their 2011 in one word, and then sum up their hopes for 2012 in another. I responded with three.

Yes, I’m a rebel. Screw the rules, ‘cause that’s how I roll.

Man, I really need to make “avoid talking street” a New Year’s Resolution. Now where was I? Oh yeah, Hutch’s “Sum Up Your 2011” question…

I responded with “The Small Step” because I’ve started looking ahead already to 2012. Planning for appearances. Pre-production for a book trailer. Considering a posting schedule for Volume Two of Tales from the Archives.  And, of course, the release of The Janus Affair. It just feels like everything is piling on already, and I’ve still not put away Christmas decorations.

Not sure what it was about this week — maybe the storm front breaking, maybe the sunrise, maybe the unusually smooth commute to work, who knows? — I started to look back. 2011 has been one astounding year. A year of change. A year of direction. Some of these items may some across as a touch trivial, but they defined the year for me, and are helping me work through tough spots and dark times. I stopped to think of those high points and put them out there on this blog, my intent being that you might find five things to be thankful for at this time.

5.  Getting My Game Back. This is P.C. Haring’s fault; and while I might have sounded disgruntled about it on The Shared Desk, it’s been something that I’ve missed. Terribly. The story goes that P.C. was paying a visit and, on hearing we had picked up an XBox for Sonic Boom, he took it upon himself to bring a few games for the grown-up’s. Both Paul and Pip have seen me shout and swear and blame the controller (which, when it’s a Kinect game, is kind of embarrassing); but I find myself constantly drawn back to the challenges of Aperture Laboratories or the overrun Arkham Asylum. (Batman: Arkham City is in the wings. I just need to complete Asylum’s basic story, and then I’m in.) I had forgotten how much I loved to game when I was a kid (ColecoVision reprah-ZENT!), and now I find it a nice stress relief. (Stop laughing at me, Pip!) When I feel stuck creatively or survive a less-than-satisfying day at the office, I find inverted takedowns when hanging from a gargoyle most satisfying.

And there is, of course, the workout aspect of the Kinect. I pwn The Humpty Dance!

4.  Investing in the Home. Last year, between one incredible day where friends and family helped me get the place in order, to Pip helping me sort and organize the details, I have found my house to be an ongoing challenge. That was when I regarded it as a house. My original plan was to hold on to it for a few years and then move. This was before I discovered what was in plain sight: an incredible community of people who I now refer to as friends. When Pip arrived for a more permanent stay, I saw myself caring less about the house and more about my home.

Our home.

Additions arrived. Changes were made. It’s no longer a place where my stuff is. We’ve got a home now. It feels great.

3. Sonic Boom: The Next Chapter. Being a parent is not easy. It wasn’t easy when she was born. It wasn’t easy when it was just the two of us. Presently, it’s no different from Arkham Asylum — each subsequent level is harder than the previous one. (Admittedly, there are far fewer sociopaths and super villains involved when parenting Sonic Boom, although there are some days the Boom could give Harley Quinn a run for the money in the diva department.) In this year, with Pip at her side, I’ve seen her take strides developmentally that have me in awe. I’ve watched her go from dropping to the ground and throwing fits to “calmly” working out problems, working through them, and not giving up. In Taekwondo, I’ve watched her rise to challenges that I thought was far out of her reach and conquer them. She’s not perfect (neither are her parents); but considering everything that’s been thrown at her, she’s continuing to take strides forward. I’m really, really proud of her.

2. The Launch of Phoenix Rising. Yeah, the game changer. At the end of the April, this steampunk novel joined many other urban fantasy, science fiction, and epic fantasy novels on bookshelves. Did it take the world by storm? Well, no. While Pip had the well-received Geist under her belt already and we both had nearly ten years of fiction, podcasting, and non-fiction under our belts, we were still regarded as “newcomers.” But much like Geist, Phoenix Rising has been enjoying what can be best described as a slow burn. The title was honored as one of Goodread’s Top Ten Science Fiction Titles of 2011 and the winner of the 2011 Airship Awards for Best Steampunk Literature. Pip and I were invited to be speakers at ComicCon New York. And we have been introduced to a generous, creative community of people who have made time for our book and have been enjoying our initial offering. It’s been a wild and wacky eight months; and with The Janus Affair slated for a May release, we have more amazing adventures ahead of us.

1. Getting Married. Yeah, this may sound very newlywed or “If you don’t make this #1 for 2011, Pip is so gonna pwn you!” but it’s the truth. The ceremony really did bring together a lot of things that made 2011 such a fantastic year. Pip looked amazing. The neighbors turned out and decorated the new patio with lights, banners, and flowers. And then there were the neighbors themselves — once total strangers to me, now some of the best people in my life. These same neighbors became fast friends with Pip and a support crew for Sonic Boom. All those emotions, hopes, and anticipations reached critical mass on that Saturday morning when a “simple paperwork ceremony” became an incredibly special day for the three of us. We — Pip, Sonic Boom, and I — became a family. We were blessed by God with fantastic weather for October, and also blessed with a Justice of the Peace who had a sense of humor. At the end of the vows, she read to those assembled “I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may now go and update your Facebook status.”

Priceless.

Nothing’s really changed between us, and yet everything feels different. I don’t make claims of being perfect in our relationship, and I work to make sure Pip is okay, that our communication is rock solid, and that we’re making time for each other as well as the family. Maybe it’s easier with only the three of us, but then again there’s nothing really “easy” about a marriage. It is work, but I play as hard as I work, and I can only hope Pip and the Boom are having as much fun in this family as I am.

So there it is — another year gone, but what a year it has been. Now 2012 is just a few days away, and there is that feeling of expectation. Right now, I feel like I’m on the edge of something big, something wonderful; and I am ready for the new year to begin and set off on this new adventure. But before doing so, it never hurts to look back, consider the lessons learned, and be thankful for friends old and new who have enjoyed the ride with me.

Thanks, everyone. See you all on the other side.

Chevron 9. Locked.

Just a quick bit of news before the holidays — the 99¢ sale of Phoenix Rising: A Ministry of Peculiar Occurrences Novel is now officially on! And here’s where you can find it…

Kindle — http://amzn.to/o31YFI
Nook — http://bit.ly/rBBrT7
Kobo — http://bit.ly/ulBPet
iTunes — http://bit.ly/uuQ0XS

That’s right, Harper Voyager has lowered the eBook price of Phoenix Rising down to 99¢ for a limited time, and this isn’t just for Kindle, but all ebook readers out there. We’re getting the word out today, so if you’ve been curious about steampunk, or how I write in novel-length with Pip Ballantine, or just in the need for something new to read, here is the 2011 Airship winner for 99¢. Feel free to leave us a review and tell a friend!

Something tells me this is hint of things to come. Pip and I are working on a new trailer, bigger and badder than the last one. We have a Christmas Special in the works for both The Shared Desk and Tales from the Archives. And we’re looking ahead to 2012. All this before Christmas.

I need a vacation.

So this week, you might have heard from SyFy’s Blastr that steampunk is dead, and let’s face it — when it comes to really knowing what fans of Science Fiction think, you can’t really argue with the same people who cancelled Farscape, Eureka, and Stargate Universe to make room for reality TV and professional wrestling…

…but I digress…

From high profile blogs like Gawker to passionate fan sites like Stellar Four, the death bell tolled for my beloved genre of gears, cogs, and steam. It was all over. Time to dismantle the analytical engine, box up the boater hats, and put your goggles away. Steampunk, a genre created back in the Eighties due to a group of authors that challenged this boundaries of imagination, had officially been ruined, all due to a single music video from a beloved pop star.

My own response to this?

Seriously? Seriously?! Steampunk is dead because of a Justin Bieber video?

I think the guy who’s face truly is next to the definition of steampunk, Jared Axelrod, said it best:

“If having a teen heartrob play your sandbox ‘ruins’ it, then it probably wasn’t your sandbox to begin with.

If you haven’t seen the video, I insist you watch it. I will say this much — it’s a step up from Rebecca Black’s “Friday.”

Pip and I have stepped into the genre just this year, and we came in with our boilers at full with a podcast anthology and a book. We’ve been learning a lot since we dropped that first short story in Tales from the Archives, but one thing I’ve been noticing is a great divide whenever steampunk steps closer to mainstream culture. Whenever steampunk is introduced in mainstream venues, elitists ranging from steampunks who “know how it is properly done” to SMOFs (Secret Masters/Mistresses of Fandom) who have hated the sub-genre now that it is making its presence known at SF conventions everywhere cry “FOUL!” and proclaim that steampunk is dead.

Well, to you nay-saying asshats I say your arguments are completely invalid. Why? Because you — and if you’re looking around the table of geeks and wondering if you’re wondering who the asshat is, congratulations, you’re the wiener — are pointing out why we get persecuted and dismissed by mainstream culture.

Do we want steampunk to go mainstream? Of course we do. Think for a moment about the works in our genre that did so. Harry Potter. The Hunger Games. The variety of comics from Marvel and D.C. Sure, people sneer and call us “geeks” but the same people who persecute us are also tripping over themselves to get to the box office when the films adaptations are released. Steampunk, when you really think about it, is already mainstream as many of us have seen Disney’s 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea or even Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang.

Then something like Bieber’s steampunk video hits (and no, I’m not going to call it Bieberpunk, as I have strong issues with doing that…), and suddenly the asshats scream “The skyship is falling!” and pretty much make rest of us look like utter rubes.

But what really torques me is how websites, fans, and those SMOFs who have wanted to see steampunk fail are so quick to proclaim steampunk is dead.

Ben Love said it best on Pip’s Facebook:

“Steampunk survived The Wild, Wild West. It’s going to survive Bieber’s Christmas video.”

Why are we panicking here, and why oh why are we vilifying Bieber? Chances are, one of his “peeps” got wind of this “steampunk thing” and convinced Bieber that this was going to be the look for his Christmas movie-music video tie-in. Or maybe Bieber is a fan of steampunk. Maybe he said “Steam-what?” when the video was pitched to him. We will never know, but the video is what it is — it’s a pop star trying to be trendy. There’s nothing we can really do about it except admire the fact that Bieber was trying something different because he was told “this is the cool thing.”

Yeah, mull that over in your brain for a moment, because there is a good possibility that was how all this went down: Bieber was told steampunk is the “new, cool thing” so let’s make a steampunk video.

As for steampunk being dead, I’m going to lay down a safe bet these asshats haven’t seen Hugo.

This morning, someone on Facebook questioned my classification of Hugo as steampunk, but this film features an automaton, a child genius with a penchant for D.I.Y. projects, a hidden world within a Paris train station, and a filmmaker who — with no prior knowledge or experience with filmmaking — built his own camera and became a pioneer in cinema.

Ladies and gents, that’s steampunk.

Oh, and did I mention this film sports some brilliant performances from Sir Ben Kingsley, Jude Law, Helen McCrory, Chloë Grace Moretz, and Sacha Baron Cohen? And this film marks a break-out performance from Asa Butterfield…a performance that helped him hand the role of Ender in the upcoming Ender’s Game film?

So, asshats, I see your Bieber video and raise you with a mother fucking Scorsese film! Call!

To repeat what Jared had said earlier — Maybe steampunk wasn’t your thing after all, if you think it so fragile a thing that a holiday music video is going to tear it down. Steampunk is not only alive and well, I believe that Hugo has given it a delightful shot in the arm. As the asshats read this and salivate at citing its less-than-impressive numbers at the box office, allow me to read off a few acclaims it has already received within its first month in release:

• National Board of Review: Best Director
• National Board of Review: Best Film
• Rotten Tomatoes: 94%
• IMDB: 8.5 out of 10 stars

If you haven’t seen this steampunked homage to the history of cinema, just go. Stop reading this, book tickets, and go. (I’ll be here when you get back.) Pip and I saw it on a standard screen and are still raving about it the next day; so if you find it in 3D, you are in for an experience. After you watch Hugo, come back here and tell me steampunk is dead. Go on. I dare you.

Suck it, asshats. Steampunk is just getting warmed up.