My friend, Patrick, is dying.
Thing is, he didn’t know he was dying. He wasn’t feeling good so he went to the doctor to try and figure out what was going on.
That was July. It’s now August, and he’s dying. The cancer moved that quickly.
People have been asked to send well wishes to Patrick, to let him know how much he means to them. What I’m seeing on my various feeds have been people struggling to do so.
I just wanted to say that while the reason totally sucks ass, it’s okay to feel pain, like you want to cry, like you want to scream into the Void and give it the middle finger. What you’re feeling isn’t wrong. Cry. By all means cry…
…so long as you take this moment to tell Patrick what you feel.
I didn’t get that chance with my buddy Jon whose funeral was last week. I didn’t get that chance with my theatre mentor, Glyn. I didn’t tell P.G. Holyfield how I truly felt about him when I last saw him at Balticon, when I was surrounded by friends old and new, by people who meant so damn much to me.
I didn’t say it then, but a couple of days ago, I got a second chance.
A moment to say “I love you, Patrick.” presented itself and I took it. He knows. I should have told him sooner, but he knows now.
No, I fucking hate why I had to tell him, but I told him. I wasn’t going to piss away this moment, and the three of us—Pip, Patrick, and me—bore everything. We made this moment ours…
…and we cried.
Yes, it’s going to be hard. Yes, you will cry. It’s okay. Cry. So long as you speak your heart. When will you get that chance again?
I love you, P.G. Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for making me part of yours.
When you are done with telling Patrick what you feel, dig deep and give. If you can’t give, share.
We are not losing one of the good ones…
We’re losing one of the best.