Guardians of the Galaxy, Volume 2: A Spoiler-Free Review

If you are living under a rock, you might have missed the big release at the box office this weekend. Guardians of the Galaxy, Volume 2 has now landed at your local movie theatre, and after its (come on, let’s be honest…you thought it was gonna suck…) stunning sleeper performance, the Marvel Studios’ Underdog of Misfits had one incredible bar to clear. The original took the hardest of comic book nerds by surprise while casual fans of Marvel, convinced this would be the first MCU dud, came out pleasantly surprised and downloading Awesome Mix, Volume One on their smartphones before getting home from the theatre.

Now, the Guardians are back.

So where do I begin? Or more to the point, where do I begin and not spoil the insane amount of fun that is happening in GotG, Vol. 2? There is a LOT to be had, but a good amount of this fun are in the twists, turns, and surprises GotG, Vol. 2 packs within its running time. I think I can give an opinion — a sincere, analytical opinion — without giving anything away, but if I do inadvertently spoil anything for you, I apologize.

Okay, let’s do this…

I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot? I am Groot! I am Groot. I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot. I am Groot? I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot? I am Groot.

I am Groot.

I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot.

I am Groot…

I am Groot…

I am Groot! 

I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot; I am Groot, I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot? I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot! I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot! I am Groot! I am Groot!

I am Groot:

Peter: I am Groot.
Rocket: I am Groot.
Peter: I am Groot.
Rocket: I am Groot.

I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot, I am Groot, I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot; I am Groot, I am Groot. I am Groot? I am Groot. I am Groot? I am Groot. I am Groot? I — am — Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot.

I am Groot. I am Groot, I am Groot.

I am Groot?

I. Am. GROOOOOOOOOOOT…

I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot? I am Groot, I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot.

But seriously — Ben Browder. Da hell, man? Kevin Coster asked for his British accent back. You’re a Carolina boy. Own it.

Enjoy the movie, everyone. And if you haven’t, download Awesome Mix Volume Two. Worth every penny.